A Small History Lesson

I was reading http://singledads.wordpress.com/2008/04/10/one-thing-can-improve-your-co-parenting-life-and-i-have-evidence/#comments

And he said the same thing my pastor said.....which started this blog...that I haven't been able to do...

I know after he reads my comment, he's probably thinking...just do it.

But here are some of the reasons I can't
on my very first proposal of him terminating his parental rights while I was still pregnant:

I have thought over your offer and I accept. Would you like to draw up the papers or shall I take care of it. I guess I must apologize, maybe you are not the money grubbing bitch I thought you were. I will offer a full and very sincere apology to you as soon as you actually go through with your offer.

Excerpts from Emails:


I will be there for sure next visit. I had a garage sale today. I really miss Doodlebug and next time may be the last for a few weeks, so please do not fuck this visit up for me. I'm not even going to respond to everything you said in your email because everytime I try to write back I start being vicious. Just don't screw up my visit, my life is absolutely miserable right now financially and I can't afford a trip down if it's not quality time.

As you'll remember, I am not someone who thinks well of worthless trash like yourself who steals from and defrauds the government for BS reasons so please stop reminding me that that is how you make a large part of your living.

Now why don't you go enjoy the rest of your permanent vacation of life that you've made for yourself and since this letter will probably upset you and because you don't have anything urgent to do like earn a living, then why don't you just go out and buy yourself some more nice things with Doodlebugs's money that I send every month

I'm sure he'd understand. Oh, and I sure he'll understand when you tell him that you chose NOT to use his health insurance to help him just because the insurance company accidentally put his father's last name on his card.

I guess at least I know you're teaching him something even if it is how to live off the backs of other people illegally. nice work mom

Remember that we agreed that you wouldn't allow your criminal friends or family members around Doodlebug. (when in actualality....he is the one with criminal friends, and he himself a multiple offender.)

We aren't coming to the visit. Sorry about the short notice, I forgot it was the 5th Sunday.


The Dingo wrote the following from emails, to Private Messages, to posts on web boards:

Ok, let me first preface this by saying that my SS is very young, so this is not an issue that we expected to be arguing with the BM about so soon. I bought a gift that I addressed To: SS From: Dad and Mama Dingo. Now this was a gift that I unintentionally left at the BMs house during the last visit, but one that SS could have kept for a long time (if she didn't throw it away), so that is why I wrote anything at all on it. My DH and I have briefly discussed what I would want to be called, but as I said, we did not expect it to ba an issue anytime soon. We both feel that children should call all adults by Mr. or Mrs. So and So or Grandma, Granny, etc. We will never allow our children to call an adult by their first name, except in certain situations. So, it was a given that we would not encourage or allow SS to call me Dingo. My DH would honestly love to see that SS cared for me enough to just call me some motherly term, whatever it is. (since I will have bee around him since only a few months old) But in an effort not to force that upon my SS I thought about Mama Dingo, and just wrote it. Like I said, we didn't even intend to leave the gift there, and to us it is a non-issue at this early stage.But all hell broke loose when we got a msg from BM several hours later informing us (in the short version), that SS would never be calling me anything else other than Dingo and that there is only one Mom and one Dad, and no other person would be referred to in a fatherly or motherly matter, period.

I don't really know where I'm going with all this, but it just boggles my mind that it's that big of a deal. I understand she is hurt, I don't agree with it, but she chose to live a single mom's life and she had to know that one day her ex boyfriend would marry, and she would have to deal with another woman raising her child part time. She has had almost two years to realize the situation she was in, so I think it's time to move on and not fight us on reasonable things.

P.S. I didn't mean to offend any single moms out there. I should elaborate a little more by saying that they were not dating anymore when SS was conceived (shame on both of them). She consistently pushed for some sort of reconciliation with my husband and it was made very clear by my husband, both before and after the conception that it would never happen. It was only a few months later that my husband and I got back together (we had dated several years before), and we decided to get married. So there was no expectation of a nuclear family if she had the baby, and I have been around before he was even born. Thank God she did have him because he is a blessing and we love him very much, but I don't want her now pretending like she is entitled to some cookie cutter family where there is only one mom and one dad. She didn't have it before and she shouldn't expect it now. So I'm not bashing single moms, Lord nows I could have been one. If they were married for awhile and the child was older, then I would not expect to come into the picture after a divorce and be called mama, but that is simply not the case here. I just wanted to clear up why I feel she is being unreasonable, and make sure I didn't hurt anyone's feelings.

My excuse is that I am up packing for our cruise we're leaving on tomorrow. Hmmm...a cruise, I guess that makes me a winner not a loser....Ha, Ha ;) Why can't you move your neck???

No offense to anyone, because I understand that the norm is that Mom is an ex-wife. The Mom in my situation is NOT an ex wife, or even an ex fiance (according to everyone besides Mom). They dated for a couple of years and were broken up before DSS was conceived. So is it OK that we refer to her as the only thing she is and ever was and ever will be...Mom?? It plays on my sensitive side to hear her called SW or ex-wife. I can admit that I don't want her being referred to as anything other than what she is, an ex-girlfriend. That's my female bullsh!t coming out. But the reality is, I think it's important to call her an ex-girlfriend or Mom only, because I think it puts this whole thing in perspective. Knowing that they were not as serious as a married couple or even two people who are exclusively dating, I think should make a huge difference in understanding why we believe some of her demands and expectations are unreasonable. So that is why I bring up the title, I just want to be clear on why things are the way they are in our situation.

Doodle's so cute and innocent and he deserves to be around good people like my husband and I. So the more we can see him and influence h
im the better.

i have never acted like ana, and i would have been married to the father, it's very different

but of course i feel EX is better so i don't care if it makes ana feel bad we think that way

Wow, I actually read that whole thing!!! I would be real ticked. Honestly, my DH hates Mom, so events like this in the future...I don't even know if we'll ever all be in the same room at the same time on purpose. But if Mom ever acted like that DH would have definitely put her in her place right there in front of everyone.


Now can anyone understand why I am having a hard time with forgiveness...

If you can read this...and then please explain to me how...and this is just a fraction,...

I am dying to know how... all input is wanted....

I don't even have words....

to express what I am feeling as I read this link, http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/04/15/fragmented.families.ap/index.html, which I found from http://www.singlemomseeking.com/.

NEW YORK (AP) -- Divorce and out-of-wedlock childbearing cost U.S. taxpayers more than $112 billion a year, according to a study commissioned by four groups advocating more government action to bolster marriages.

Marriages....really? Out-of-wedlock childbearing cost the U.S. taxpayers more than $112 billion....

I read some of Rachel's comments on her page about how, "Well...if any of the mother's have ever been on WIC or any other government funding, well THEY ARE THE ONES COSTING TAXPAYERS...."

Let me try to set that record straight for a moment, please.

I was 26 when Doodlebug was born. And for a decade previous to that, I was a tax payer, myself. Always paying my taxes from my first job in a grocery store, to the job I held as a nurse aide at mother/baby.

After returning home, he was on Medicaid, waiting for his father to decided if he was a dad or not, and putting him on his insurance at the AG's order. Even then, it was, my goodness, months, or even closer to a year or longer before I could use them. Because he put the wrong name on the card, and refused to fix it. With me being a student, Doodle still qualified for Medicaid, and thank God I had it, other wise, I don't have a clue how his medical bills would have been paid. And yes, we even accepted WIC for a very short amount of time.

But my God, if as a Tax-payer myself for a decade, and now, am not someone who qualified and was deserving, to receive financial help from a program that I paid into myself, then who the hell does qualify???

And now, I am a single mom, ohhhh the blasphemy.... and a tax-payer...... so who am I taking money from again...myself?????

"The study documents for the first time that divorce and unwed childbearing -- besides being bad for children -- are costing taxpayers a ton of money," said David Blankenhorn, president of the Institute for American Values.


I just don't know what to say except, that I am not a drain on the U.S. economy...

however people like my EX...who is so 'Holy' married.... a deadbeat dad....and files bankrupcty for nearly half a million.... Which I know for a fact, as written as a private message to my friend, 2 years previous, that they were broke and needing to file bankruptcy...so what did they do?

Thank you, things are great with XXXX(The EX) and I. All it took was a good sit down chat about the things that were bothering both of us. He is really stressed about money, and it is wearing down our souls. We will probably be filing bankruptcy in the next few months, but I guess lots of people have to do that. It will not affect doodlebug's insurance or child support, so no need to let Ana know about it. Please keep that between us. I will try and catch up more soon.

They spent the next two years... racking up their debt...just to be discharged.

What has this hard working, tax paying momma done? Paid off bills, almost paid off all credit bills, bought a house, and raised a child on my own...

Now... please tell me....

who is the drain by $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ on the economy?????????

Hold on to yer Panties

I got Child Support on the 14th.... you know, the day before my tax deadline, and before my "you pay my arrears or I'll be picking him up the next sunday" deadline....

Guess how much???

A whopping $50 dollars...

I defer back to my previous statement of, Can you feed your pets with that???

How ridiculous.....is this?

Me in Six Words or Less

One of my every morning reads, is MommyPie , I love her. I love her because she is a single mom, but more than that, she is hilarious. She cracks me up. Everything from her granny panties, to the most recent, Where's Waldo post.


I read one today where I should be summing me up in six words or less.

I am my own Rising Phoenix.

I think back on my 'issues' as MommyPie wrote it....and they are long and painful. From a terrible relationship with my mother that started when I was a child, and lasted until my son was born, to the nasty relationships along the way before the doozy of them all with my son's biological father (I hate that word by the way - but have no clue really how else to refer to him).

My relationship with my Ex was on of dependency, and emotional and mental abuse. There was a time that I felt worthless. That I would never be as in love or happy as I was (I had no idea) then. I was a wreck and a mess. My life was doomed to sadness and emptiness.

Good grief, I would like to go back in time and just whisper to myself back then.

Now, I am a strong woman. I am someone who has carried and given birth to a child without a significant other. I have raised that baby (with the help of my family) by myself. I have found a new partner, that I love very much, although it is a very different, much more mature love. I doubt that I will ever have the same love for anyone that I did for EX, because I am not, nor will I ever been that impressionable, immature, vulnerable girl again. And he was my first love, and I don't think, that the feelings you get when it's the first time you experience something like, are not re~creatable in the same sense. It's like the first time you ever in your life, rode a roller coaster. They are all fun and scary, and give that rush of adrenaline, and completely fulfilling, but they will never feel like that first time you sat in that cart, clicked in and started up that first hill, not knowing what was ahead.

I am still pretty new to the blogger world, and still do not understand some of the lingo, so when MommyPie writes things like:

4. Tag at least five more blogs with links.

I'm not quite sure what that means....so anyway here are the rules:

1. Write your own six word memoir.

2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you want.

3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post and to the original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere.

4. Tag at least five more blogs with links.

5. Leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play…

I had a pretty good weekend. OH AND BEFORE I FORGET......... I PASSED MY RN TEST WITH THE FLYING COLORS OF A "B" !!!!!!!

Our friends came up from Beaumont with their 2 daughters; and we had a blast! Yesterday was the laziest Sunday ever, which was so nice., but unfortunately, I am still so sleepy.

With my mention in my previous post about, I got it back...

It wasn't a link... it was a picture of the Dingo. Two of them actually. First and foremost, I have to add some history here.

When Ex and I were together, I was anywhere between 110-120lbs tops. I easily wore a size 2 in anything. Tiny thing. However, Ex used to call me cankles, tell me that I looked fat, and then to top it off, after a day of trying on wedding dresses, I made the comment that I found one that I like, and I laughed because it was a size 8. He looked me dead in the eye, and said, "No wife of mine will ever wear a size 8". I replied with, are you kidding me, you have to wear so much crap under those things, everyone wears 2 sizes bigger than their clothes sizes. He again said, "like I said, no wife of mine will ever wear a size 8 in anything..."

The first time I saw Dingo, I thought about once when he told me, that after a few years of marriage (to me) he'd probably be trading me in for younger, smaller version.

We look nothing alike. We're the same height, both had long blonde hair, but similarities ended there. I had just had a baby, and no where near my size 2, she was though. I am willing to be that any of you reading this, are thinking...let it go. And a few other's are probably laughing right there with me.

I'm going to get a better full bodied picture of myself up here, maybe tomorrow...

Again... I know that this blog is suppose to be about therapy for me.

A new life, a new beginning, and for the most part it is.

But sometimes, just sometimes, you get the 'revenge' you want because a picture really does say a thousand words.

I got it back...

I've been in a funk...about dieting and eating healthy...

and today


I saw something on the internet

it made my day, no week, no probably year or better...

and lets just say...

working out and dieting back ON!

oh yeah...and I am a Cheater

All I think about is dieting...and losing weight..and all that fun stuff...

but lately all I want to do at work is EAT EAT EAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alot of mornings I stop and get kolache's, and donuts..and Dr. Pepper.

Then...lately...i've been eating out for lunch..instead of my Lean Cuisine...

and even now, I'm snacking on nuts....

I think it is the boredom of my job that keeps me eating so much...


ugh...

right now... I just want to binge, binge, binge!

Birth Control Help

ok...ANY LADIES out there, with any great info pleeeeease help me.

I've been playing around with my BC this year.

Have always been on ortho-trycyclin forever and ever,until I tried the patch and was blessed with my son...but got on ortho-tricyclin lo after having Doodlebug.

I dont know if it was the pill or the change in my body but I felt like it made me a nutscase.

So, I switched to Lybrel. The no-period pill. My mood swings are non-existent, however you have break through bleeding that I can not handle anymore. It's just enough to annoy the hell out of you, and can last for up to 2 weeks at a time. (Dr's office says, ...yeah that can happen for the first year or so)- done.

So then, I called and got them to call me something in to my pharmacy, and they did and called in LoEstrin 24. And the nurse said that it has a generic, but it doesn't because I went to pick it up last night and it was $55 with insurance.

Now I realize that $55 is nothing to pay in place of having a baby, but was wondering if there is anything else out there, that anyone else would suggest.

Thanks!