A Small History Lesson

I was reading http://singledads.wordpress.com/2008/04/10/one-thing-can-improve-your-co-parenting-life-and-i-have-evidence/#comments

And he said the same thing my pastor said.....which started this blog...that I haven't been able to do...

I know after he reads my comment, he's probably thinking...just do it.

But here are some of the reasons I can't
on my very first proposal of him terminating his parental rights while I was still pregnant:

I have thought over your offer and I accept. Would you like to draw up the papers or shall I take care of it. I guess I must apologize, maybe you are not the money grubbing bitch I thought you were. I will offer a full and very sincere apology to you as soon as you actually go through with your offer.

Excerpts from Emails:


I will be there for sure next visit. I had a garage sale today. I really miss Doodlebug and next time may be the last for a few weeks, so please do not fuck this visit up for me. I'm not even going to respond to everything you said in your email because everytime I try to write back I start being vicious. Just don't screw up my visit, my life is absolutely miserable right now financially and I can't afford a trip down if it's not quality time.

As you'll remember, I am not someone who thinks well of worthless trash like yourself who steals from and defrauds the government for BS reasons so please stop reminding me that that is how you make a large part of your living.

Now why don't you go enjoy the rest of your permanent vacation of life that you've made for yourself and since this letter will probably upset you and because you don't have anything urgent to do like earn a living, then why don't you just go out and buy yourself some more nice things with Doodlebugs's money that I send every month

I'm sure he'd understand. Oh, and I sure he'll understand when you tell him that you chose NOT to use his health insurance to help him just because the insurance company accidentally put his father's last name on his card.

I guess at least I know you're teaching him something even if it is how to live off the backs of other people illegally. nice work mom

Remember that we agreed that you wouldn't allow your criminal friends or family members around Doodlebug. (when in actualality....he is the one with criminal friends, and he himself a multiple offender.)

We aren't coming to the visit. Sorry about the short notice, I forgot it was the 5th Sunday.


The Dingo wrote the following from emails, to Private Messages, to posts on web boards:

Ok, let me first preface this by saying that my SS is very young, so this is not an issue that we expected to be arguing with the BM about so soon. I bought a gift that I addressed To: SS From: Dad and Mama Dingo. Now this was a gift that I unintentionally left at the BMs house during the last visit, but one that SS could have kept for a long time (if she didn't throw it away), so that is why I wrote anything at all on it. My DH and I have briefly discussed what I would want to be called, but as I said, we did not expect it to ba an issue anytime soon. We both feel that children should call all adults by Mr. or Mrs. So and So or Grandma, Granny, etc. We will never allow our children to call an adult by their first name, except in certain situations. So, it was a given that we would not encourage or allow SS to call me Dingo. My DH would honestly love to see that SS cared for me enough to just call me some motherly term, whatever it is. (since I will have bee around him since only a few months old) But in an effort not to force that upon my SS I thought about Mama Dingo, and just wrote it. Like I said, we didn't even intend to leave the gift there, and to us it is a non-issue at this early stage.But all hell broke loose when we got a msg from BM several hours later informing us (in the short version), that SS would never be calling me anything else other than Dingo and that there is only one Mom and one Dad, and no other person would be referred to in a fatherly or motherly matter, period.

I don't really know where I'm going with all this, but it just boggles my mind that it's that big of a deal. I understand she is hurt, I don't agree with it, but she chose to live a single mom's life and she had to know that one day her ex boyfriend would marry, and she would have to deal with another woman raising her child part time. She has had almost two years to realize the situation she was in, so I think it's time to move on and not fight us on reasonable things.

P.S. I didn't mean to offend any single moms out there. I should elaborate a little more by saying that they were not dating anymore when SS was conceived (shame on both of them). She consistently pushed for some sort of reconciliation with my husband and it was made very clear by my husband, both before and after the conception that it would never happen. It was only a few months later that my husband and I got back together (we had dated several years before), and we decided to get married. So there was no expectation of a nuclear family if she had the baby, and I have been around before he was even born. Thank God she did have him because he is a blessing and we love him very much, but I don't want her now pretending like she is entitled to some cookie cutter family where there is only one mom and one dad. She didn't have it before and she shouldn't expect it now. So I'm not bashing single moms, Lord nows I could have been one. If they were married for awhile and the child was older, then I would not expect to come into the picture after a divorce and be called mama, but that is simply not the case here. I just wanted to clear up why I feel she is being unreasonable, and make sure I didn't hurt anyone's feelings.

My excuse is that I am up packing for our cruise we're leaving on tomorrow. Hmmm...a cruise, I guess that makes me a winner not a loser....Ha, Ha ;) Why can't you move your neck???

No offense to anyone, because I understand that the norm is that Mom is an ex-wife. The Mom in my situation is NOT an ex wife, or even an ex fiance (according to everyone besides Mom). They dated for a couple of years and were broken up before DSS was conceived. So is it OK that we refer to her as the only thing she is and ever was and ever will be...Mom?? It plays on my sensitive side to hear her called SW or ex-wife. I can admit that I don't want her being referred to as anything other than what she is, an ex-girlfriend. That's my female bullsh!t coming out. But the reality is, I think it's important to call her an ex-girlfriend or Mom only, because I think it puts this whole thing in perspective. Knowing that they were not as serious as a married couple or even two people who are exclusively dating, I think should make a huge difference in understanding why we believe some of her demands and expectations are unreasonable. So that is why I bring up the title, I just want to be clear on why things are the way they are in our situation.

Doodle's so cute and innocent and he deserves to be around good people like my husband and I. So the more we can see him and influence h
im the better.

i have never acted like ana, and i would have been married to the father, it's very different

but of course i feel EX is better so i don't care if it makes ana feel bad we think that way

Wow, I actually read that whole thing!!! I would be real ticked. Honestly, my DH hates Mom, so events like this in the future...I don't even know if we'll ever all be in the same room at the same time on purpose. But if Mom ever acted like that DH would have definitely put her in her place right there in front of everyone.


Now can anyone understand why I am having a hard time with forgiveness...

If you can read this...and then please explain to me how...and this is just a fraction,...

I am dying to know how... all input is wanted....