Just Breathe

aaahhhh..... just when things look bad....something happens and it looks so good.







I got paid yesterday, and usually my direct deposit hits before our checks get into our hands. So, with check in hand, I called the Daycare and told them it was ok to go ahead and cash the daycare check they were holding.







When I got home last night, I checked my mail. I had a check from my bank for a little over $44!!! I guess we get rapid rewards points, 10 cents on the dollar for what you spend on your debit card. Well, they sent me my check. I was so excited until this morning. My direct deposit didn't go in until last night.....after both checks went through. I got a $60 debit adjustment. That is an entire tank of gas, so there went my $44 of "free" money.







Oh well right? Something like don't sweat the small stuff huh?







Still no child support. Still no termination papers.







Wanna hear how crazy my mind works? Sometimes, when I am overpretending, that "the others" and their constant irresponsibilty aren't bothering me, my mind reminds me that they are, and I end up with some stupid dream.







Last night I dream Ex shut down his company website because I looked at it.







How silly is that right?







Here is what I struggle with every day:







Why do I still care? Someone mentioned in one of my comments, something about a sense of injustice, and maybe that is it.








Now, it looks like the physician I am working for, my be persuing to relocate his practice again, which means, I may need to seek another job. And right now, just isn't the time for that.







Makes me wonder sometimes, when will my plate be less full.







I have another RN test next weekend. I hope I pass it. I should really be studying and reading righ now, but I actually multi-tasking: typing this, catching up on season 3 of Lost since it comes back on tonight, and reading during the breaks. We had surgeries scheduled this morning, and no patients scheduled for the afternoon, which in turn, makes for a very, very long day.







But I did attend some random luncheon about the construction at the hospital, and got a free lunch-chicken salad sandwich, potatoe salad, and fresh fruit. So when I left, I grabbed 2 more, so Doodlebug and I can eat them for dinner. I feel like a cheap, but free yummy food, is free yummy food, right?







Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I just stare at Doodlebug. It's one of the most peaceful moments of my day. Watching him sleep, so peacefully, blankie clutched tight, not a worry on his mind. I did that this morning, probably a little too long, but that's ok. He's just an angel, and I treasure these moments.







Like I mentioned earlier, I got paid today, and the funny thing is, I have already paid most of my bills due, and I think once they are all said and over with, I'll have a little over $100 for groceries and gas, until the 15th. Good Lord knows, I am thankful, he has taught me how to make a penny stretch.







I do have some exciting news though, I have been holding it back from here, because it still feels like a dream, and I don't want to risk waking up. But next saturday, should it truly be a reality, I will be singing from the rooftops!








he he he,....how's that for leaving ya hanging ;)