The Most Mature Relationship I've Ever Had

Is with the wife/widow of a man I dated while he was married to her. Bet that caught your attention. But it's true. She and I had a lunch date yesterday, and every time I am around her, I can't help but think, "Man, for once, two women did it right."




After having doodlebug, I moved back to Southeast Texas to be close to my parents and siblings, from Austin. I loved the city, everything about that one in particular, and hometown was somewhere I vowed to leave at 18 and never return, and so far, hadn't.




The dating pool at home, was shallow, not much to catch. So, my cousin, who is more like a sister to me, started out on a set-me-up-with-someone rampage.




I got a call from a man whom I will call Billy. billy was a divorcee, with a daughter, and twin boys. He was also out of a fresh annulment. Seems marriage number two was doomed from the honeymoon, and they decided to get out quick. My cousin's friend did the sale article for his company, gave him my number, story, and he called.




At this point, I knew my ex was already married to psycho-wife, and they had been giving me hell, and I couldn't help but think, why not? Besides, he said, he and the children's mother and stepfather had an amicable situation, and I thought, could if not anything, be a great tool for lesson to be learned.




We went on a few dates, and I like him. He didn't fall into my normal category of physical attributes, that I normally go for, but I thought, my "normal" hasn't worked out in the past. The more we dated, and, the more we liked each other.




Then it happened.




Wife #2, the one he had gotten an annulment from, went through his online cell phone history and found my number. He warned me about her. That she was just a mean, vindictive person, and would probably do or say something to hurt me.




Well, late one night, once I was already in bed, I got a phone call, and I knew immediately it was "her". No one in this area code knew my phone number, and I didn't recognize who was calling me, it had to be her. And it was. And I answered it.




Here's is how the opening of the conversation went:




"hello"




"Is this Anabiosis?"




"yes"




"Hi, this is Sass-a-frass, Billy's wife"




"wife? May be news to some folks, he told me you two had had an annulment."




"He... a WHAT?!?!?"




Well the conversation didn't last long, I wasn't in the mood for some hell bent ex to try to attempt to "put me in my place." So, I just told her to take whatever up with Billy.




The next morning, she even emailed me, a few times. I called Billy, asked to remind ex, to leave me out of their spats. She then text messaged me, and I had had enough. After all, been there and done that with Larry's cocaine addicted ex-girlfriend. Sassafrass had no idea, if she wanted to play a game, she'd better have her big girl panties on. So I emailed her back, a snotty little email, and just requested her to no longer, call me, text message me, nor email me. Forget my name, numbers and email address. I also attached a tag on the email so that I would know when she read it.




About two weeks later, after Billy and I decided we fell in love. I got the email, where she had read my email. I called Billy at work to let him know, that a big storm may be brewing, and to hunker down. All was fine the rest of the day. Until that evening. This was 2 days before New Year's Eve. We had spent the Christmas together, where we first said , "I think I love you".




We usually would IM each other during the evening, while his kids were running around the house, and mine was toddling and crawling around. What was surprisingly different was, he was super short, non-chalent, and just very un-attached.




Well, guess who's gut kicked into HIGH GEAR??




So, I called, and his manner on the phone immediately let me know, SHE was THERE. So, I boldly said, "billy? is she there" His answer was brimming around who, and no, when she boldly said, "you better tell her I am here!"




Oh What a Night.




It was the usual, have you told her the truth about us, him lieing to her, in my ear, and finally me saying, "PUT HER ON THE PHONE NOW!" Being that she was shoulder to shoulder to him, she grabbed the phone.




This was a turning point for us.




We were both mad, angry and fuming, but this is where this story has a twist. We were mad, angry and fuming.... AT THE RIGHT PERSON,. . . . . HIM.




Needless to say, Larry taught me something, always have proof. Seems Billy and Sassafrass, were still married, there was NEVER an annulment, they had separated because he hit her (well head-butted to be exact) one night, and she left. That was about a week and a half before I met him. And, he had been trying to woo her back ever since. So, he had told her we were only friends. My rebuttal to this was of course, well darling, I do have your email address, be sure to check it first thing in the morning, because I have an IM archive of messages, and I will send you every-single-one. And I did. Her response, and you could actually hear the smile in her voice as well as the evil smirk, "Billy, I believe you just F*cked up with this one. She's pretty damn smart".




The next day, I was sick to my stomach. He tried to IM me several times apologising at her ruthless plots to ruin his life. Me, I took 3 showers that day to wash what I felt like filth off of me. I had to be at work at 6 pm. I received a call from Sassafrass oh around 5. She thanked me for the IM's, there was some small talk, and then she said,:




"Do you think you can find a babysitter tonight, and meet me for a drink?"




my reply:




"I thought you would never ask."




I walked into work, told them I was leaving, had some personal issues to tend to, called my niece, and got ready for my date with my boyfriend's wife.




Some of my friends warned me not to go, that this was a set-up for her and her friends to beat me up...but there was something about her voice that night and next day, I knew she wasn't like that.




I couldn't decide what to wear, I didn't want to look like the hooch, that any women feels like when she realizes she's been dating another woman's husband. So I decided on cute jeans, heals, and a fitted white shirt. Not too much, not too little. We met in the parking lot of one our more trendy bars, and when I saw her, my jaw literally dropped. She wasn't the frumpy, mean, hometown girl I was expecting at all. She was small, blonde, gorgeous blue eyes, and big boobs, I know that because she dressed to impress me, just like I dressed to unimpress her. We met with a big smile, a huge hug, and glad to finally met you!!!




We went into the bar, got a table, ordered food neither of us really touched, and a bucket of beer. She pulled out emails, pictures, etc (she had already seen everything I had). We sat, drank, laughed, and thought it would be funny to start sending Billy text messages, with the same little phrases he so often sent to the both of us, "Miss you", "Can't stop thinking about you", "can't get you off my mind", ect,....the funny thing was, he had NO IDEA that although we were both randomly sending these text messages, that we were sending them from the same table. He had no idea that we had planned to meet.




As the beer rolled on, many a man, came up to our table and would often say something like, "Why are two such beautiful women, sitting here by themselves in such a deep conversation?? It's happy our ladies". Finally, I looked at her, after this tirade, and an introduction from one gentlemen who had just came from a table of men, and I smirked looked at her and said, "Should I, or shall you?" She said, "oh no, you go ahead, be my guest."




I said, "HI, my name is Anabiosis, and this pretty lady in front of me, seems to be my boyfriends wife."




I think he forgot to breathe as he glanced from her to me, and back, and he finally said, "No way." She then said, "Yes, she is my husband's girlfriend". At this point, I felt the need to correct her, "Mistress, sounds so much cooler though dont you think?"




The man stumbled back to his table in utter disbelief, as we clicked yet another beer bottle and laughed our way through more conversation. That bit of information, flew through the bar like a wild fire. Needless to say, our food, our beer tab, shots, everything was paid for by the all the confused people in the bar, either in a congratulations for doing the impossible, or waiting for one hell of a cat fight.





After a few rounds of what we thought were funny text messages, and a few rounds of beer, we thought, to top the night off, how hilarious would it be, to send him, a picture text of the two of us hanging out at the bar together, and we did, it read, "We can't seem to stop talking about you."




New Year's Eve, we were both dateless, and she came over to hang out for a little while. I had made new plans with friends of mine, she with hers, except hers were all happy couples. I knew she would regret that, and invited her out with us, which she politely declined. I reminded her to call me when she couldn't stand it any longer, and by 1030, she met me and my friends downtown. Funny thing was we ran into some of the guys from the bar, who shouted, "Holy $hit, they are still hanging out together, what an unfortunate $@#@#$$#" She and I, stayed out until 5 am that morning. We had a blast. I had found a friend, someone I really connected with, and was so excited, until about a week and a half later.




Billy IM'd me to see how I was doing, and eventually let me know, that he and Sassafrass were going to work it out. I immediately called her. She said, "I took vows, I feel strongly about that, I have to try at least once. And honestly after meeting you and getting to you know you, I can't blame him for dating and loving you, I would & do too."




I told her that I would always be her friend, and that of course I was even more mad at Billy now for taking my new best friend away, and that if she ever needed ANYTHING to call me. We kept in touch with text messages or IM's here or there. I finally told her, I think for you and Billy to really give it a fighting chance, I have to go. She said ok, and we didn't talk for a few months.




Not long after I met boyfriend, I was going to go visit him, when I got a call from my mother. It was a friday, and I was getting ready to leave for Houston. I answered the phone, and she said, "Billy?" I said, .... "yes". She said, "Billy Highhorse?" I said, "yes, mother". "three kids,.." "yes mother! What?", so annoyed. She finally said, Ana, he died on tuesday, he was killed in a motorcycle accident. I don't even know if I had the respect to say anything to her before I hung up on her and immediately called Sassafrass.




She answered the phone, obviously crying and said, "I've picked up the phone and dialed your number so many times now, I just didn't know if you would come."




I asked her where she was, and told her I would be right there.




I called boyfriend, told him the story, and that I would be late, I had to drive two towns over, out of my way to go see her.




I don't do funerals, but I went to the funeral home to see her. She met me out in the lobby, we hugged and cried, and hugged some more. Her best friend, walked out and said, "It's always amazing how that asshole always brings the two of you together."




Then we all laughed and sat down and just talked for awhile. She asked me if I wanted to come in and see him, which I didn't. The last memory I had of him was leaving my house for work, the day everything went down.




Since then, she and I are the greatest of friends. We hang out, we talk, she'll be a bridesmaid in my wedding (should I ever have one), I would trust her with doodlebugs life. And we've already plotted that if boyfriend and I break up, she and I are gonna move to Austin together, and man hunt.




She was in town for a concert night before last, and she came to my job, and we had lunch together.




She's fun. We were brought together by a not too unusual circumstance, but for the first time that I know of in history, we were both on the same team: Team Woman. We placed blame where blame was due. We didn't hold grudges against each other for having the same taste in things, or falling for the same guy. I did nothing wrong, nor did she, and because we were both mature enough to handle that, we found something better, a real true, mature, friendship.